8/30/2008 12:09:00 PM
zzz
wanted to go dbO and Geo to find Xun Charmaine and Ping ytd but by the time i ended work finished dinner i was super tired so headed home took a shower watched some drama series while waited for their call, in the end i ended up on my bed! so sad la. it's been ages since i'd did some shopping! at least i'm awake for my tattoo session at 1pm later. hope it'll not occupy my whole Saturday cause i still want to do some shopping!
8/25/2008 03:59:00 AM
zzz
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
tainted love
Labels: Marilyn Manson, Tainted Love
8/23/2008 03:15:00 PM
zzz
a place where it hurts more than the wounds exist even deeper. i've learned this on a cold night. i don't know what's real anymore in a world coated with lies. your voice i will never forget. the meaning of life is love. it's not your fault. none of it is your fault.
8/23/2008 07:28:00 AM
zzz
eric and beng
me and ah ho
wei yang and liang yu
ah bao and beng
he's not smiling!
Gary and Dave
went to Kampong Baru for drinking session. kinda depressed at first. after that went to boat quay. it went deeper!. gone hay wired. i missed her i missed him. did not know she was with someone! broke down. went back alley wanted to vomit but can't drank too much. instead tears came along. but still was drunk! damn!
8/21/2008 08:25:00 PM
zzz
something has been missing my entire life, i tried so hard to pretend what it was. i know that you are my guardian angel and i have faith that you are there for me when i need. if you only knew the impact you had on my life. when you went away, part of me did as well, it went with you so you didn’t have to go alone. can you read my lips? what i'm saying. can you feel my heart? how i'm feeling. can you read my mind? who i missed. i know you would because you're always there. i want to thank you for loving me. it kills me that i can’t see your face and the memories sometimes fade away, i hate that feeling. but when it’s just you and i all i think about are the good times we had and could have had if you hadn’t gone away. the only thoughts going through my head were i didn't get to say i love you for one last time. now it’s too late for me. i try not to miss what i never had i try to remember i love you still.the lack of your love has been an insidious pain. the blood that runs through my veins are yours i'm your's and always will. no one could ever replace you. i feel like you had more to teach, and we're both missing out on that. i wonder if you get it all, if you can sense how bad i feeling now. Sometimes, i simply cannot sleep. i stay up all night, to avoid sleep because i'm haunted to see what other's had and i don't, that is you. i just wonder if you get it all. the gravity, the weight inside. i wonder if you're feeling it too. i cant help but think that maybe, just maybe if you didn't leave i wouldn't be so screwed up. i could never see your face feel your hugs never again will i hear your voice. i'm sorry for turning out so messed up, Daddy your dear son misses you! yes i really do. Dear dad read my tears. wherever you are I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU. i'm sorry for being so messed up. if only you were here to listen to my feelings, i won't be so crazy over her. if only you were here to guide me i would not be so lost. the only way to see you is to look into the mirror because i'm you flesh and blood and i resembles you!
Labels: i miss him
8/21/2008 06:25:00 PM
zzz
went BaoBao's pub had few jugs of beer, got 2nd in the pool tornerment=) then went golden mile for afew drinks. thought she'll be going to Nana so went down first in the end she's not there. had rain accompanying me=) too bad she's going off soon. wanted to have photo session with her but that stupid phone went low batt! drink drank and got drunk! went home gone crazy.....called her she answered=)
8/18/2008 04:12:00 AM
zzz
woke up at 6PM today! so tired! took a look at my phone and 17 miss calls! not bothered to call back. no msg or calls from her. sad. wanted to sleep again but phone rang. was Charmaine, asked for steamboat for dinner so drove her to Bugis for her cravings. Xun wanted to come along but too bad she's having dinner at ahma's place. ordered alot so full! nice yummy dinner=)send her home then went to parklane to meet friends. was a nightclub! never even asked for a girl then the "mummy" brought one in, not bad looking Vietnam girl, chatted with her told her about my feelings about her too could not understand, felt like talking to the wall! pissed! texted and called her but no reply, no mood to play either so drink and drink and drank lots! my friends played and they go crazy with the girls, only me kept staring into my phone, was thinking what for get close to a girl when she can't replace her. 1st time to such a place, while could be fun if my mind's free but still this kinda place's not my cup of tea. till now my head's stuffed with her. i missed her. sometimes you rather die than living with the pain though it's part and passel of life! i hate yet i love. i came so close yet she ran.
8/17/2008 03:45:00 AM
zzz
went nana with her and friends on thursday bought her flowers, i asked if she could remember how many flowers i gave her and she did! girl you simply rocks! smiles! we had fun, she enjoyed herself and i'm happy she did, finally she painted the smile on my face, she made my day!went Geo at Shenton Way yesterday met up with Joyce. long time since i've seen her. had a little chat. world is so small they knew one another. happy to see her but till late things went totally wrong for me, gone crazy! she actually hold a guy's hand and walked towards the toilet! was thinking what the hell she's doing! being sensitive i followed thinking she wanted to go to the ladies but i never even see the guy! kept thinking where she went what she's doing! texted her but she denied holding hands, replied just friends. got drunk in the end did not know where my friends brought me for supper. woke up 12pm and 1st thing in my mind was the image of her hold the guy's hand leading the way! once again i gone hay wired, isn't it painful to see such a scene? especially someone you love. it really shattered my heart. texted and texted and called and called her, no reply till evening. saying she was drunk can't remember what she did last night, she is single and what's wrong when she is drunk and the guy held her and there's no reason to explain. it's totally different from what i saw with my own eyes she hold his hand and lead the way. i kept thinking on the negative side! ok yes you are single and yes you have your freedom and i have no rights to interfere but still it hurts to see your love ones doing this and the image isn't good. kept telling myself is it wrong to text her why she is doing this? i was worried yet i'm broken. is it so hard to care and love? i asked myself again and again is my method of caring and loving someone possessive? i don't know the answer kept thinking it's for her own good yet comments from peers were negative about my mindset and what i was doing was wrong. why is love so complicated! the more you care and love the more they back off, but when you don't they will think why are you not caring and do you love me and when you don't really care they leave. devastated as i am now! my tears are dry my heart swollen my mind spins. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LOVE! am i wrong? if yes i'm sorry whatever you do that hurts no matter how many times the glass shatters, i still will be there cause there's love. as you said you love no one for the time being and let nature take it's path, yes i agree some things can't be forced but still i'll run the never ending path to finish line that never exist, cause flowers might one day bloom in the winter. miracle do exists because i love you.
Labels: the happy and unhappy days
8/13/2008 03:00:00 AM
zzz
i had this feelings twice in 22 years, both were amazing women. i was naive, stupid, extremly possessive and i took it for granted. totally messed it up, it was a great mistake a greatest mistake which caused me a great price, a huge drama and a pain beyond words. i've finally realise how stupid i was, i decided to fight for it but it was too late, she won't take me back. she was right and i really was stupid. i've learned and if only i could turn back time. i hope we can but we can't be. wished i've been born without feelings.
8/10/2008 03:46:00 AM
zzz
outline of part 1 completed took me a 5 grueling hours of pain and itch!
rested for 5 mins and the begining of outline part 2
completed outline of part 2! 7 hours! i swear it hurts in the begining but feelings numb the pain.went to JB for seafood. brought some dvds for time killing. texted her a msg did not expect much either. now here i am thinking how can i get a good sleep with all those running through my mind, i want a sweetdream but i don't want the ink to be on my bed either. i miss u hell.
8/08/2008 10:26:00 PM
zzz
now i'm constantly working on improving my abilities and knowledge. i'm going through withdrawal and managed to survive for about 2 years, even with a 'high risk' lifestyle it's very confusing. here i am silently strange and joyously ridiculous one moment and masquerade the next, i can be kind of random sometimes, thats me take it or leave it. i meet random strangers everyday, i may be friendly, i may be soft but don't ever break me apart. curiosity and love related subjects fascinates me yet it damage me the most.
i love the people around me who makes me happy, they always give me a stab in the heart whenever they do or say something that hurts me. if you hate me don't worry i hate you too, if you love me rest asure i'll stay close i'll put you in my arms. love is a playground it swings in between heaven and hell hang on to it and may joy and tears be with you. learn the hard way see the bright side of love let the oracle decide our love. i feel sorry for myself i feel like a mannequin now i have no idea of what i'm typing i'm not on dosage and i'm not drunk either. i don't understand either.
8/07/2008 11:52:00 PM
zzz
my tattoo...
8/07/2008 02:20:00 AM
zzz
her replied msg shocked the world. yes i broke the promise, i admit. what makes the difference if you doesn't care. you're still happily ever after. seriously it doesn't mind to you at all isn't it. it really hurts, the pain the sorrow is so hard to overcome it's not about a simple task, it's about every single drop of tears being kept inside and suddenly being washed away. everything that has gone through a guy's mind i've thought of it, now think of how much i have to ponder before you can light a smile. it probably doesn't matter to you cause i'm simply not worth right! crazy as i am, looking for some other ways to vent my emotions, i turned to my peers drank quite alot today. have not been drinking for quite some time surprisingly i'm tipsy and alive typing! sent them to boat quay after the beer session, went straight home wanted to go nana but i have to control work come first am i right? have to priorities certain things. but still i miss you, hell what i can i do................................................................it aches!............................................................... longing for my new tattoo this saturday! what else can i say; what else can i do; bottom line and the summary for everything is...........i still care and i still miss and i still love. if only we were together i will sacrifice almost everything for you, even by walking through the thickest snow the bitter winter i'll catch the cutest penguin for you. just for you................sounds like rubbish doesn't it. but still i love penguin!
8/04/2008 02:13:00 AM
zzz
was asking myself if i was that bad. am i not good enough? why must you leave? it's always like that. i hate it. why can't we settle? why am i missing you and not you. now it's complicated i made it so complicated. everyday i drink it, now 2 bottle of it. everytime i hold 1 in hand i had to think twice before i having a sip of it because you once told me you hate it had me having those kind of things. but now i drink it without hesitations, from fun to relying on it to kill those unhappy thoughts. relying on it to to temporally removing you from my head. it kinda helps! when i rely on it i felt so carefree i don't think of you at the moment when the kicks fade away it made me so tired that you don't even feel like going out end up sleeping, so it helps.
had double dose of it last friday cause it felt so bad inside. went for movie after work. fell asleep during movie. so tired till i almost doze off while driving home. had a good sleep.
received a missed call and a text msg at 4am it was xun. asking where am i, asking me to go discovery find her saying she just reach. too bad was asleep. lol surprisingly she will ask to meet up.
went to shopping for tattoos on saturday. made up my mind from landscape to geisha with blossom tree. initially wanted a blossom tree and a waterfall japanese style but on 2nd thought geisha resembling the girl and the blossom tree resembling love would be meaningful. made up my mind and this coming saturday will be the 1st appointment. looking forward.
i regret the absence of you. in other words i miss you. i'm afraid
