Labels: baby

there are many ways to be said,
for you i catch my breathe
for you i draw the line
how long can i hold back before it's too late
clock ticking by the minute
thoughts running fast
your a radiant smile lit my life
if only you were to pause for a second,
look into my mind
you'll find your existence my sincerity.

when does it stop?
when will i know?
do you ever fit into her world?
where is she i've came to know
am i ever meant to be
can i break my silence?
you intrude my dreams
when can i have some of you?
you intrude my dreams
i seek hints of your presence
i try to reach out for you
don't leave
will you wait till sun raise.

for the 1st time in my smoking days, i place the tobacco stick between my lips and hesitate to light, here i am blasting the stereos, evaluating on my actions.

smoke lingers on my lips for a moment, it hangs like a curtain, the air is heavy, stagnant.

why i want you to know and you don't.
when i cry aloud for your attention you don't hear me?
i've cried alone and smiled with you.
the mask i'm wearing is breaking
i told myself to"HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE LONGER!"
but still it falls and the only thing left is me...
but am i ready to face you? to confess
No! i'm not ready but my time is running out
so all I can do now is look away.

kind of down these few weeks, feeling so heavy, my dreams were quite crappy, time to buy christmas presents, well got my test result for Accounting at least it's a pass. maybe it's love that brought me down, sometimes i just want to find the right person to talk to but...maybe i just lust for the feeling of love or perhaps it's a crush that will soon be over, might be i'm trying too hard to find the right companion...hate to be alone when it's so quiet out there.

Do you believe that love is destined or randomed?
Because i just had the coolest dream of her.

when you are feeling lost in the darkness call out my name i will be your sign.

when there is silence i shall whisper words of love in your ear.

when you are feeling weak i will carry you till the day i die.

if you fall i shall take your wounds as my own.

if you are in agony i will give you my heart.

if you are lost and have no way out I shall give you my wings and let you fly free.

if the journey in life is tough i will walk this road for you

because my reasons will set me free.

things to accomplish:
. fix tennis racket
. get some tan
. threading
. buy a gamer mouse
. upgrade my RAM
. get a Gucci belt
. paint room
. learn new dish
. print baby's photo

if only the world around me would be filled with some responsible people... people like her refusing to return the debts repeatedly finding excuses for herself, what kind of selfish humans are they well forget it trusting too much results in consequences that you have to bear.
actually i've not been following up in school these few weeks, its making me feeling terrible. if only i would sleep earlier everyday. had failed to do my projects with YJ felt guilty with laziness overwhelmed me. sorry dude.
oh dear what had happened to me, looking back in time seems to have wasted so much time.

it's 2 in the morning and i woke up! eyes bright open! it's a big blow to my tummy!
don't you think it's scary to be awakened by a bad dream in the middle of night.
friend's sleeping, mum's sleeping, brother's sleeping, every normal kid would be asleep by now!
why am i awake!

3.16am now and i'm still sitting right in front my compy, neck's kinda stiff, eyes kinda tired, legs felt sore after a day of prawn fishing, sore throat now after eating tons of bbq prawns, worst of all i ran out of cigs! guess i'm really tired got to turn in now..

Do you remember when we met?
Do you remember when you held me high?
i don't, but i dream that it was sweet. you were careless and clumsy, but you held me tight. you never dropped me.
Do you remember how early you could see the traits that you had passed down?
intelligence, and a quick mind, a short temper, and a judgmental personality. i could see the way you were, and i wanted that to be you.
Do you remember our trips to markets?
we'd go, whenever mum goes shopping, our own secret place, we would hunt for groceries, for one thing we had in common, we'd have another thing to share.
Do you remember feeling angry, and getting out of control?
you'd feel bad. you'd buy me something new, which i don't really need because you couldn't speak the words. i'd forgive you just the same you did, because i got you, and i understand what you'd mean.
Do you remember how i'd get sick, and you'd worry?
you'd wake up every few hours, to make sure i felt comfortable to check i'm alright.
Do you remember taking care of me,when my mom had other things to attend to?
i'd have all i needed,and most of what i wanted. my friends would all tell me i was spoiled. i knew it, and i treasured what i once had.
Do you remember waking up early every sunday?
you'd prepare breakfast made lunch cook dinner? you had wonderful culinary skills compared to mum's.
Do you remember how others used to say?
how i was like my dad? i was proud that you had spent your life looking after us, your family.
Now i've add up what i lost, and you're at the top of the list. had i always been your "daddy's little boy"? and now i mourn. i feel like you had more to teach, and we're both missing out on that. i wonder if you get it all, if you can sense how bad i feeling now. Sometimes, i simply cannot sleep. i stay up all night, to avoid sleep because i'm haunted to see what other's sons has and i don't, that is you. i just wonder if you get it all. the gravity, the weight inside. i wonder if you're feeling it too. Daddy your dear son misses you!

turning back looking at the things i've done to my past few mates some say i'm a catalyst that i speed up their life after break ups, i'm a catalyst? am i? i hope i'm not

you could have felt love with me...
you altered my love in the making
i shouldn't have wrote your name
neither will it across my mind
never will i speak of you
going to waste making love
you think you saw me?
think about it again...
you'll backoff jaw dropped
don't predict the fragile
walk away when i'm in sight
you'll scare my tamed siamese pussy
he keeps the pest away
my sweet la la love
to those who ignore me: FINE be that way!

counting down 12 days to Bangkok!

work work work! save save save! spend spend spend!